Wednesday, March 29, 2006

A journey down a karmic funnel

I sometimes wonder whether, subconsciously or otherwise, she used me as wedge between herself and The Other Guy. It would partly explain what appears in hindsight to be the unlikely occurrence of her in interest in me.

I never questioned the fact that she was apparently somewhat openly seeing me, while still living with The Other Guy. It did seem odd, but since I appeared to benefiting from the arrangement, I didn't question it. It must have put The Other Guy through hell. Only later did I realize exactly what kind of hell that would have been.

My guess is that she was unhappy with some aspect of her relationship with him and those thoughts crystalised when I appeared on the scene. Perhaps she did think, for a short while, that she wanted me. I think she realised later that what she actually wanted was out. Unfortunately for me, I had by then become convinced I wanted her - a conviction that has never completely left me, despite everything.

I sometimes wonder how The Other Guy has coped with life without her. Not surprisingly he doesn't write about it on the web. Very occasionally though, I Google his name just in case it throws something interesting up. From that I learnt he has set up what appears to be a successful business with his brother. Good luck to him. I guess what I'd like to read some day is that he has met and married someone - it'd be nice to have proof that there is life after her.

And so this brings me to one of those odd coincidences I am so good at noticing. When reading about his company I noticed that it is based in the middle of a semi-industrial Melbourne suburb some distance from the city. Its premises of business are literally just around the corner from where I am currently working.

The karmic traffic police, it seems, have funneled us both onto one small part of the planet while she has ended up on the other side of it.

No good can come from this, of course. Nor any harm. It is just one of those odd coincidences that one will eventually spot if one has nothing better to do.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Snaring dandelions - the little things you learn

I am working in Melbourne again. A different project, a different customer. Yet, if there was a link to be found, to the past, to her, you just know that I was going to find it.

Piotr finished up as architect on the project today so we all went to lunch. I first met Piotr around 10 years ago when I was working in Melbourne *that* time. He worked in the same group as she did and it would not be surprising if they got to know each other reasonably well.

A woman at lunch mentioned her plans to work in London for a year. Piotr recalled women he knew who had done that - women who had met their boyfriends and settled down there.

Of course, I guessed who he was thinking about and I couldn't stop myself: "You are talking about ***, aren't you?".

He smiled and nodded. I offered that I had been rather fond of her. Piotr proceeded to describe to others at the table who we were talking about...

"Someone with few strong ties to Australia. Peruvian by birth, with some Italian and Polish heritage. An attractive woman in an unusual sort of way - short, long raven black hair. I worked with her on several projects and she was always good value, very switched on, very intelligent. She went over there to have a look around and get in touch with part of her heritage. So while she was there she met her boyfriend - now husband - and never looked back. She and her boyfriend stayed with my relatives in Poland once - I think they got snowed in for several weeks. My nephew, who was only 13, acted as guide and interpreter and in return they took him into nightclubs - he is a big guy so could easily pass off as an adult..."

End of anecdote.

Of course, it was not for me to ask further questions and so learn more about her life and her boyfriend/husband though, of course, I was more than a little curious to know more. So, I didn't ask any further questions and Piotr didn't offer any further anecdotes. Conversation drifted to other topics...

And so it is. After a 3 and half year drought, I finally learnt a new, bizarrely isolated and insignficant fact about her - that she was once snowed in while visiting a mutual acquaintance's family in Poland.

The odd thing is, I felt as if I already knew that. Of course, I didn't. I couldn't possibly have known that. I suspect that my insatiable thirst for information about her is such that this dandelion of irrelevance instantly accreted to the cobwebs that have ensnared my thoughts and quickly became indistinguishable from them.

And that, dear readers, is a good example of how my mind works. Or doesn't.