Saturday, October 20, 2007

Writing oneself into letting go - I don't think so

During a good discussion last night with a couple of my friends about the way I am choosing to deal with this we covered some of the ground of recent posts. In particular, we discussed the pros and cons of such public introspection. If anything, I became more convinced that it has more benefits than costs. One friend agreed that the act of writing does influence how one thinks about things. He asked me to consider whether I could write myself into a decision to let go.

This is an interesting question but at present, I am somewhat sceptical about this being possible. The problem is that once I have let go, writing anything at all ceases to make sense. It seems unlikely that one could write something so convincing that all further writing becomes pointless.

I know I can't write myself towards my desired state - reconciliation with her. I think writing does help to moderate my emotions towards a stable, if not particularly desirable state. I just don't think I can get to an emotionally empty state which is what letting go looks like from here.

Yes, people will tell me that in that state I will be free to enjoy other things in life. There is a point to that, well illustrated by "The Cat Empire" gig I went to on Tuesday.

The Cat Empire have a very energetic style of music and performance. The Metro was packed and everyone - and I mean everyone, was bouncing up and down to the music like there was no tomorrow. Introspective little me didn't actually feel like dancing so I went and stood against a wall so that I wouldn't get jumped on and observed the concert from there while I reflected on the day's events. It must have looked strange to those around me, but not dancing by the side wall seemed less obvious than not dancing in the mosh pit.

But that was Tuesday, near the centre of a recent storm. I know I will get past that and I will dance again - probably as soon as next Friday at the Mammal gig - "Hell Yeah!"


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