Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Acting like strangers

On my way up to Level 10 @ lunch today, I passed her on the escalator going the other way. I let out a kind of strangled "Hi!", not wishing to make a scene but not wishing to maintain the pretence that I hadn't noticed her.

I think she looked up but I got the impression that she was deliberately avoiding eye contact with me, but I don't know that for sure. I think it is a reasonable assumption that she was avoiding the common areas at lunch so as to minimize the chance of running in to me. If that is what she was doing, I understand.

I think I know why she has to treat me like a stranger. We are, after all, strangers.

And yet, it hurts. It just seems so unfair that we have to be strangers.

Of course, that is just from my view point. From hers, it is unfair that I don't let go. I want to empathise with her, I want to understand things from her point of view. I want her to explain it to me. But an explanation requires communication and communication requires more intimacy than she is prepared to grant me. So I am left to infer her attitudes towards me from the way she treats me. It's pretty clear - she wants nothing to do with me.

I know I can't change this, but it stinks just the same.


Anonymous The Other One said...

I take it that in the past this lady was not a stranger? But that something happened in the meantime and she decided to not be involved with you any more?

If this is the case then in continuing to talk to her, you may be annoying her.

If she's already hooked up with an SO you might as well forget you know her. She probably thinks you're jealous / infatuated / a stalker / can't let go.

Otherwise, there's no harm in being friendly. Go ahead and talk as much as you want. Frankly, you should not have to "regain your composure" - just relax, and think before opening your mouth.

I'm a bit surprised - from your post "the fascinating mystery of it all" I thought she was gone for good. Now you are seeing her here, there and everywhere. It could be hard to get over her if you see her constantly, if she's in your face, as it were. But if there's some kind of bad blood between you two, some kind of skeleton in the closet, something which nearly worked but failed abysmally (like a stunt rider missing the landing), it's probably better to stay away.

And if you have to do that, you don't have to ignore her, instead of a strangled "Hi!" you can just nod your head if you happen to make eye contact, or a simple "good morning/afternoon" should be more than adequate. No need to engage in uncomfortable chit-chat. No need to spend any time at all considering whether she is avoiding you.

16 October 2007 at 17:15  

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