One battle too many against a phantom
The problem with conceptualising my situation as a contest of wills with her is that it assumes that from her point of view she is expending emotional effort to resist me. That she is denying me access to something that exists and that would fulfill my desire, if only she would grant me access to it.
I think what I haven't properly internalized is that there really is *nothing* there to desire. It's not just she is denying me access to it - there *really* is nothing there.
I think I know why I make that basic psychological mistake - it was (apparently) there before. Surely, it is there now?
That's why my desire for her is different to a desire for Salma Hayek - Salma never had a thing for me.
Now, I can tell myself that she has nothing for me, but I think that subconsciously I have never really accepted that.
Of course, that has to change.