Burying the relationship
I think part of the reason I devalued the importance of the relationship itself is that, on most objective terms, it always was a stinker. There were so many things wrong with it.
It began while we were working on the same project in Melbourne. Of course, this meant that it was conducted in secret. Worse, it occurred while she was still living with her soon to be ex-boyfriend and I was still dealing with my feelings for my previous entanglement. It heated up quickly then cooled off again almost as quickly when I returned to Sydney at the end of the project.
Intense? Yes. Robust? No. Tempestuous? Yes. Doomed to failure? Almost certainly.
I ignored all these things. I was fascinated by her - addicted to her as surely as to any drug.
I don't regret what happened next. The prize on offer was so glittering, I had to take the chance. What I didn't realize was how thoroughly hooked I would become.
Only too late did I realise I had no exit strategy.