Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A phase change?

To be honest, I was somewhat surprised by my reaction to learning that she now has a baby, but I genuinely do feel an emotion bordering on happiness for her.

Sure, it is tinged with a little sadness, since there is no socially acceptable way that I can contribute to or share her joy - whatever comfort she might draw from my expressions of happiness for her would likely and understandably be dwarfed by her displeasure at learning that aspects of her life had fallen within the reach of Google.

Learning that she was married was a bitter pill to swallow, but it didn't fundamentally change the way I felt or thought about her. It merely cooled the temperature of my feelings, not their fundamental character.

This news brings with it, I think, the chance to effect a more fundamental, qualititative change in the way I think about her - akin to the phase change between water and ice.

Beside the interests of her new baby --- which, of course, are none of my business -- my self-indulgent concerns are really quite a trifling matter. That's why I have retracted my recent posts.

They just don't matter any more.


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